why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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