I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
