Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
