have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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