I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
