I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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