I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
