No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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