If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
