I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
His nipple licking is glorious
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