So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
