I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
