I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
