I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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Is it penis luge time yet?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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