Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
