you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
