check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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