She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why are your pants in the freezer?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
