i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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