His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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