At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
