hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
