My friends, they love my intelligence
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize