I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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