My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's never too late to be topless.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
