He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
