I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
