if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
