so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My penis needs a shock collar
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
