Your dad touched me again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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