wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
