I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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