Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
