Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
