You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize