If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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