I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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