Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
