I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
