i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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