I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
