can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
