im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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