all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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