i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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