I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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