Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
