Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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