He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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