This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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