suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
