I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I cannot find my penis.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
