hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
