rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
