..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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