okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
