Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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