My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
