its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
