just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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