just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Who died my cat blue again?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
