I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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