Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
