New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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