Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
