as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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