I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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